LEGENDS OF THE FALL MOVIE

Legends of the Fall Movie is a unique website devoted to information about the Legends of the Fall Movie. Okay, whenever the Legends of the Fall movie comes on TV, I can’t not watch it. And every time I try to explain the movie to someone who asks what it’s about I find myself at a loss, so here’s my best shot. It’s basically about these three brothers (Brad Pitt, Aiden Quinn and some no name actor) and their crazy dad (Anthony Hopkins) that live out in the wilderness way back when, like the 1900s or something. So one day the youngest brother, Samuel, brings back with some refined hoe from the city that he intends to marry, but because she’s a prissy whore, she causes a bit of a stir with these dudes living in the wilderness that never see women and probably masturbate all day. So Samuel wants to go war and the middle brother, Tristan (Brad Pitt), decides to go to protect him. But before they go to war, Tristan has some huggy moment with the hoe who’s crying on his shoulder, and the oldest brother, Alfred, witnesses it and gets all ass hurt because he wants to bang the bitch, too, and you know he suspects that his middle brother is about to swoop. So Tristan watches Samuel die at war and feels all shitty that he could protect him. He comes home and bangs the hoe, but she can’t tame the wild beast in him. He goes off and becomes a pirate or some shit. Alfred swoops on the hoe while she’s all depressed. (By the way, the whore’s name is Susannah.) Tristan comes back and marries and knocks up the little Indian girl (feather not dot) who’s had a crush on him since she was a little girl, and she’s also the half breed daughter of the white guy and Indian lady that help take care of the dad’s land. By the way, at some point the dad (Anthony Hopkins) goes crazy from having a stroke or something. The whore shoots herself in the face because sloppy seconds and thirds with the brothers never really makes her happy, and she can’t have kids. So if you want to see Brad Pitt make out and have sex in two awesome scenes, then ladies enjoy. It’s an epic tearjerker that’s great to watch when you have three hours of your life to kill. Like three and a half to four hours if you’re watching it on cable with commercials. It’s also fun for guys if you want to see some cool war stuff and watch Anthony Hopkins go crazy at the end and talk in a slurred speech accent with his shotgun raised at the po’ for cracking down on Tristan’s bootlegging.

Related Links:
Legends of The Fall Soundtrack